it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
