i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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