So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
