Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
