If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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