Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
