Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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