She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
