i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
