Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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