so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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