Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
