some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
