I think I died a long time ago.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
