Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
