she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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