At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
