soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
