No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize