I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
