you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize