I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i've created a new STD.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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