who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize