I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
