Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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