closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
