Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
