I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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