I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
