i jhust puked up my retainher.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He shit in the fireplace
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
