we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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