you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
