Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
