What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
