i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
