bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize