I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
