I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Welp...herpes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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