You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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