Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You don't make any sense
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