Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
