i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
