woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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