i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
