Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
