pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Watching her eat just hurts me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
