But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
