Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
