Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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