She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize