We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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