Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
