Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
