My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
