So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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