Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
