Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
