god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
