I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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