new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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