Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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