I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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