He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
