True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
