forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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