Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
