you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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