Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
