Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
