The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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