I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
