My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
