I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
