I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
