Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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