Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So much rum. So many feels.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
