I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
