porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
