yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
barbara walters just said penis...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
