Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
