Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize