you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
