did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
