just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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