We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
