it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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