I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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