apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
