I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
