The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
