i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
