so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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