i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
