i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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