Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
