my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
